IF YOU AIN'T RUDE,
YOU AIN'T RIGHT
Conservative Talk Has No Time For Adversarial Voices
| September 1, 2003 |
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By Steve Young
Does the name Ken Minyard
mean anything to you? Unless you've spent any time in the Los Angeles area, you've
probably never heard of him. But there is (or was) a Ken Minyard in every city with a
radio tower in America. He is an example of what radioland was before talk radio became
Talk Radio.
Minyard does his hosting weekdays from 6 to 9 a.m. on KABC-AM (790), right before Bill
O'Reilly. He's been around quite a bit longer than any of his counterparts, but he's not
syndicated like air-mates O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Larry Elder and others of the station's
conservatively tilted ilk.
He's no conservative. He's no liberal either. Not even a Libertarian, near as I can tell.
He's kind of middle-of-the-road.
He doesn't seem to want to demean any party or ideology, except perhaps for the doom 'n'
gloomers. Still, he seems pretty bright, has a decent sense of humor and on top of it he's
quite charming.
Yet none of the major radio syndicates seems interested in spreading his radical centrism
out across the country.
It may sound like I'm pounding the conservative talkers, but if word be true of the
long-threatened liberal network(s), the style, though projected from a different wing,
will be the same. And that's the point. Style is Ken Minyard's problem.
Minyard is what the industry calls "old school." Last of a breed. That means he
does archaic things like letting his callers finish their sentences. I'm not kidding. Even
when the caller says something Minyard disagrees with, he waits until they complete their
thought before he comments.
Some of you kids probably don't know what I'm talking about. Y'see, way back before the
big bad boogeyman from Arkansas, the one who kept the economy humming, became a hated
president, radio hosts would let their callers talk without interrupting. Pretty
ridiculous, huh? But it's true.
Many of today's hosts revel in the self-admiring boast that they bring on guests who do
not agree with them, and that is quite admirable. That is, until the guests attempt to
express their differing views. That's when their volume gets cut back, and they get
shouted down by the host.
It's quite brilliant, really. When you are the only voice heard, the only information
expressed without intrusion, without prissy harrumphs, without your volume being
turned down or muted altogether, you pretty much can be right. At least 99% of the time.
Fans of modern talk will tell you that the old guys were vanilla — boring. Today's
talkers give the fans what they want: a quick and emotional response personalized with
analysis that only supports their righteous indignation and, along with it, a wondrous
confirmation of the fervent followers.
It's a template and a formula that works; arguments that give 50% of the information may
not give all the data but will make you right 100% of the time. Who wouldn't want that
affirmation?
While every other host insinuates that they are keepers of the truth who must battle every
day to paint those who disagree as devils to be crushed, Minyard offers a calm
"EGBOK" at the end of every show. It stands for "Everything's going to be
OK." Corny, huh?
With the hosts all about the AM dial broadcasting the oncoming hell from anyone who
doesn't walk lock step with them, sometimes "corny" is a nice break. Too bad so
many in the country miss out on that corn. It just might make the rest of their day a bit
more palatable.
This isn't to say that Minyard doesn't have opinions. I've heard him lean left, I've heard
him right, and I've heard him lean down the middle (if that's a possible way to lean).
Many times his take has surprised me.
The Lords of Talk are nothing but predictable. Surprise? Predictable? Which of those do
you find vanilla?
Nonetheless, I'm afraid that Ken Minyard will go the way of the other radio dinosaurs,
trapped in the tar pits of broadcasting history. It's caught the likes of so many with
plenty of talent and air still left in their pipes. Remember Michael Jackson? Los Angeles
radio listeners know well that there once was one in whom they put much more trust than
the singer of the same name.
But until Minyard moves on to the legends' wing of the Museum of Television & Radio,
put a morning aside and listen to what used to be and, unfortunately, what may never be
again.
Until then EGBOK.
Steve's* Holly-War News of the Day
*An extreme far-centrist foundation!
April 18, 2003 -- LOS ANGELES (apj.us) -- Following the addition of Tim Robbins to the Axis Of Evil by the Baseball Hall of Fame, the Bush Administration has provided information which they say proves that the WMDs which were hidden in Iraq to be used against the United States (unless the US invaded) were secretly transferred to Hollywood.Those Weapons of Mass Destruction Most Likely Moved... to Hollywood!!
by Steve Young
"We have photos of enormous stretch limousines parked outside of large ostentatious mansions from Bel Air to Rodeo Drive," said Secretary of State Colin Powell. "These palatial sites were easily large enough to conceal the WMDs which are in complete disregard of U.N. resolution 90210."
Powell also offered further proof. "Recent intercepted conversations between public relations people and CAA agents have disclosed numerous Streisand appearances in the area."
President Bush has asked Hollywood to "immediately and unconditionally forswear, disclose, and remove or destroy all weapons of mass destruction and tools of cosmetic surgery."
Tommy Franks, head of US Central Command, told FOX News that he has "absolute confidence that there are weapons of mass destruction inside the Hollywood cabal. If not, then they're someplace else."
"C'mon, they gotta be somewhere," added Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.
No bluff, the Pentagon has already positioned 200,000 troops along the south side of Santa Monica Boulevard, next to The Mother Lode in West Hollywood, with a flotilla of aircraft carriers docked at the Pier View Restaurant in Malibu.
Designated "Operation Hollywood Freedom" by the administration, Press Secretary Ari Fleischer said, "Be sure that the war is about WMDs, until they are not found, and then we will make this a war to finally free the oppressed people of Beverly Hills Adjacent."
Fleischer handed out a list of meandering, but cynical nicknames the press must now use when addressing the Hollywood "Devils of Dissent."
Included in the list were:
 | Martin "Plays A President on TV But He's Really Not" Sheen |
| Sean "He Went To Iraq, Y'know" Penn |
| Tim "Tall And Protests Against America Stands For" Robbins |
| Susan "You Know She's A Lot Older That Robbins" Sarandon |
| Janeane "Okay, She May Be Cute, But Look At Her, Tell Me She's Not A Lesbian" Garofalo |
| Mike "What's He Really Done Since M*A*S*H*? And Anyway, Korea Was Only A Police Action, Not A Real War" Farrell |
"Don't be fooled by their so-called movies and television work," said genuinely miffed Pentagon Spokeswoman Victoria Clarke, "these guys will attack us the moment they see the opportunity for a boffo opening weekend. And that, my friends, is when our decapitation efforts will begin."
Then, as if to prove her point, Clark literally ripped off the head of CNN reporter Christine Amanpour. "Kind of like that," added the thin but wiry spokesperson.
"And whoever's running the show for those caviar-eating, oversexed and underweight anti-Americans, they better not try eating at Spago, the Ivy or one of those fancy-dan Hamburger Hamlets," sneered Rumsfeld. "We have a 21-ton bunker buster with their name on it. And the name is 'Babs.'"
February 28,2003
Celebrities for war
Plenty In Hollywood Behind The President...They're Just A Little Shy
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
The latest hit list for radio and TV talking heads has been Hollywood and its seemingly endless roster of anti-war celebrities. It's the usual suspects led by President Sheen, Drs Farrell and Clooney, Mrs. Tim Robbins and of course, the former Mr. Madonna.The complaint from the Right is that, 'cept for Messrs Heston, Woods, Selleck and the Terminator, all of Hollywood is a hotbed for leftist, anti-war sentiment. That doesn't seem to sit all too well with those on the Left coast who believe there's plenty of in the biz who believe the President has the right idea.
The press release hasn't come out yet but it wouldn't be too hard to figure out who would be part of Celebrities For A War That Wouldn't Be All That Bad. It's exactly what they might say that is still in question, but here's a guess:
Carrot Top - "Just dial 1-800-B-L-O-W-U-P-I-R-A-Q."
Michael Jackson - "I have no problems sending our boys over. Um. They won't take any over ten, will they?"
Roman Polanski - "What he said."
Winona Ryder - "I think war is fine, but just for a part I'm going to play."
Paulie Shore - "I want to volunteer to go over there and fight.. Hell, I want to do anything."
Anna Nicole Smith - "There's a skinny person in me fighting to get out to support our boys. On second thought, if I'm honest, there's closer to thirty or forty of 'em in here."
O.J. Simpson - "Those anti-war protestors are just ignoring the bloody trail that goes from bin Laden to Hussein...and then to Bundy."
Jon Lovitz - "Sure, I'm behind going in to Iraq. Yeah, that's it. A war would be great. Yeah, that's the ticket."
Mr. Montgomery Burns - "Anything that gets rid of someone even crueler than me is...ex-cel-lent."
Simon (From American Idol) - "Just the fact that Saddam thinks he one iota of leadership talent makes me puke. He deserves to die faster than Kelly Clarkson's career."
The Dell Computer Kid - "Dude, You're Gettin' Oil...right after I do this dooby."
Jennifer Lopez - "I'm 100 % behind the war effort. In fact, I'm 100% behind."
Drew Carey - "Hey, If I can get a star on Hollywood Boulevard after one lousy show, certainly the President being right about this war thing isn't out of the realm of possibility."
Ozzy Osbourne - "I support who ever the (bleepin') President is to do whatever the
(bleep) he's doing in whatever the (bleep) I'm talking about...Sharon!" 
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Finding the McTunity within their McFailureJewish World Review Nov. 26, 2002 / 21 Kislev 5763 Steve Young It used to be that if you owned a McDonalds, even in a bad location, you were set. But hear tell, the king of all restaurant franchises is in trouble and they're actually closing some of their restaurants. Not only that, Burger King is trying to sell locations. Not some...all! But, as Albert Einstein said, "Within every opportunity lies an opportunity." Not that burger empires have asked, but I think they already have the answer to their problems and it's not in changing menus, fighting price wars or updating Ronald. It's all in the marketing. They've got to stop selling themselves as a place to eat on the way to somewhere. They've got to start promoting themselves to families as the somewhere itself.
And it's not only cheap, it's good for you. Fast food restaurants have never been considered billboards for family values, but I'm here to say that it's time to cut McDonalds and Burger King a break. As far as I'm concerned, they not only raise family values but they are a boon to family sanity. I'm talking about the industry's decision to build playgrounds in many of their outlets. Now it's time for these meat hustlers to take advantage of what they've built and SELL IT! It used to be that I'd have to take a week off from work, watch the sorrowful eyes of our family's beloved Rover as we pull away from the vets, pay four or five hundred dollars a piece for airline tickets, then forty to fifty dollars each to get into a Six Flags amusement park. Now I just have to shove the little monsters into the family transport, drive two or three blocks down the boulevard and unload the troops into the local McDonalds. For the price of a couple happy meals, during the next two hours, while the kiddies entertain themselves on the slides, ball rooms, and free Nintendo, I get to catch up on last month's Sunday Times, write that Pulitzer-winning novel I've been putting off, or just meditate on Ronald McDonald's defense system against the Hamburglar. I don't know who the geniuses were that came up with this playland thing but I'd bet dollars to McNuggets they've got kids. It's a no-brainer. Makes you wonder why it took so long. Now why aren't they selling it? You give the parents and the kids a reason to go, then you give them a better reason to stay. And what happens when they stay? Well, while parents are overdosing on free soda refills, which I want to thank whomever pushed the country in that direction, the younguns are exhausting themselves climbing up and down the fun matrixes. Some say that all this is just a ploy to keep you around longer until the kids want something else. "This is where they getcha," they say. Sooner or later the kids are going to come in from playworld for extras like ice cream. Well, here again, kudos must be lavished. A cone at either of the main combatants of the burger wars cost about twenty percent of the same thing at Ben and Jerry's. Again, the lords of gristle are out and out winners. You get all this AND there's no need to make a stop at the nearby Toys R Us. That's because the two fast food kings have seen fit to throw in some hot, theme, play piece in every kiddie meal. I know a lot of parents may see this deluge of cross-marketing trinkets to set a bad example for our children, I see it as...FREE TOYS! Now I realize that the nutritional virtues at most of these fast food empires may be sorely lacking, but for the time being the little bit of sanity it affords parents is well worth the toll it'll take on our children's diet. And anyway, I wouldn't be surprised at all if any day now these promotional wizards won't be marketing the Kiddie Salad Value Meals with a free Harry Potter vitamin inside. So B. King and McGuys, start getting McSmart. Put in a few cots, maybe a shower or two
and hustle the brochures out to the tourist agents. Holiday break* is right around the
corner. *Author's Warning: Those Of The Kosher Persuasion Should Skip These Treif Tours And
Instead Spend A Nice Week In The Catskills.
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Jewish World Review Sept. 23, 2002 / 17 Tishrei 5763
Steve Young
Shrinking the waist problem
Using Good Old American Failure To Lose Incheshttp://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
It's time we admit it. Quick fixes don't...fix. Lower fat french fries at McDonalds won't take off the inches. Slimming down at Subway? C'mon. Exercise? Overrated, thank Heaven. Ab slimmer/hardeners? Looking at the commercials...great. But actually working for us? Puh-lease. And a new study by the Federal Trade Commission says that all those quickie-weight-loss commercials are as phoney as a, well, most commercials. Nothing really seems to work. Why? Because, as very expensive therapists will tell you, if we ever want to look better and feel healthier, it's never about dieting and exercise. It's about attitude. The better we feel, the less the necessity for food to fill up that empty place. If we feel good about who we are today, we will be more excited about changing our tomorrows. We need a place to start, but how do we feel good about ourselves in the middle of feeling lousy? Especially when everything we have done to date hasn't seemed to work? The answer is: A NEW PERSPECTIVE.In my book, "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful: Mistakes, Adversity, Failure and Other Stepping Stones to Success", icons from many different fields tell how they took failures and turned them into extraordinary positives. When Norm Pattiz was fired from a sales job where he dealt with television syndication, he was left broke and disheartened. But instead of accepting defeat, he found a new angle. He took the knowledge he had accumulated from his failure and applied it to a different arena, creating an entirely new business...radio syndication. Today, Norm Pattiz, the mastermind behind the unparalleled success of Westwood One is known by many as the Father of Radio Syndication.
I submit: Within every problem lies the resolution to the problem. So, budding entrepreneurs, listen up. Here is an opportunity for those who have failed to keep off the pounds to throw away all those quickie-weight loss plans and create something new from what you have learned from your own diet failures. You can help us feel good about ourselves so that the inches will just melt away, and you might become the Father (or Mother) of Weight-Loss Syndication.
Here's some starter ideas for weight-loss businesses success drawn from my own weight-challenged problems:
1. PROBLEM: I hate the large sizes I had to wear . NEW BUSINESS: Manufacturer Measurement Modification.
Dresses, pants, belts. Not too much. You don't want to make it obvious. People are overweight, not idiots. We're just looking for a way to get people started, create an incentive, to do it on their own. Tags for a 40" waist, should read "38"; a size "14" should read as "12" yet still be a wee bit loose to make people feel that with a little work, they could get down to the next size.
For those who really care about their mates, this could take a little more work. It's up to you to change the tags in your companion's clothing already in the closet. Note: It is of the upmost importance that you do not snicker when your partner gloats about how much weight they seem to be losing.
2. PROBLEM: I never like the way I look in the mirror. NEW BUSINESS: Better Mirrors.
A modicum of glass manipulation should reveal to the weight watcher a rather svelte image. Why Bloomingdales or Kmart have ignored this obvious means to selling their clothing is beyond me. So what if it distorts the suit or dress style. It's been a long time since I looked in a mirror and let fashion overshadow "Hey, this makes me look thinner!" I'd wear a black Nehru suit if it takes off the pounds.
3. PROBLEM: Scales - Yikes!: NEW BUSINESS: Scaled Back Scales. Manufacturers need to roll back the pounds indicaters about three pounds. Is that enough? Tell me a loss of three pounds doesn't start the day fabulously. We'll believe that. Any more and we'd smell a rat. A fat one. I'd say that this is one we could do ourselves but even extra weight doesn't dull our memory so much that we'd forget that we did it. Besides it's a lot easier to have others fool us than having us fool ourselves.
Why not? We've always trusted others' judgements more than our own. That's what this is all about. Doctors, hospitals and gyms (for those foolhardy enough to exercise) would need to comply on this one as there will be a few doubters who will find any weight loss dubious enough to run off to their local general practitioner to verify the unimaginable.
I encourage you to come up with solutions from your own issues, but until these businesses begin in earnest, remember two things that worked for me: Don't eat when you're hungry and NEVER weigh yourself until right after you get your hair cut.